Dear Friend,
Isn’t it amazing how a change in understanding can motivate a change in behavior?
Take my grocery shopping habits. If the organic option is on sale, I’ll buy it, but I’m not losing sleep over whether the chicken we had at dinner lived a perfectly happy life in a sustainable henhouse with organic feed and robust earthworms. N
However. When my sister-in-law introduced me to “the grocery store guy” IG account (FlavCity) I found myself shopping differently. “The grocery store guy” makes short reels on what to buy based on what’s actually in products. He exposes hidden ingredients that are harmful and highlights high-quality products. It’s shocking to find out what you’ve been eating! If you prefer to stay in the dark, I understand. While we are far from being a fully clean-eating house (unless Darryl takes up organic farming?), it has motivated us to make simple changes to what lands in our cart and mouth.
Telling Kids the Truth
The more you know…right? But what about the harder stuff of life - how do we teach our kids about the reality of toxic sin and its effects in the human heart?
It’s not a popular topic, and you’re far more likely to find psychological or developmental approaches focused on changing negative behavior and making better choices. Is teaching about sin too much of a negative approach to our kids' moral and spiritual formation? Shouldn’t we take a more positive approach and inspire them to goodness?
While positive models and developmental guidance can help, they are a weak and incomplete narrative. Kids need a working biblical theology of sin to understand good and evil, the human heart, repentance and faith, and the call to live for Christ.
Kids need a working biblical theology of sin to understand good and evil, the human heart, repentance and faith, and the call to live for Christ.
Just as I found myself shopping differently because of what I knew, I want my kids to live differently because of what they know. Developing children to have greater self-control and strong moral formation is good — for their own happiness and those who live with them(!). Still, to reach their full potential and truly live, they need to understand the reality of their fallen nature and become a new creation in Christ. New creation is a gift only God can give, but he often works it alongside parents who are planting gospel realities in their kids.
It's easy to resort to using emotions, shame, or threats to change behavior, but these are often ineffective or manipulative. Instead, consistent teaching about good and evil, human responsibility, and pointing to the Gospel helps to build a vital framework for kids to understand themselves, the world, the cross, and the Christian life.
For instance, when dealing with lying, it's tempting to give a simple "do better" message. But even a small lie offers an opportunity to build a moral framework. Explain why lying is wrong, how it traps us, and how truth sets us free. Contrast how Satan is the father of lies while Jesus is the God of all truth. Share how sin separates us from God, but Jesus came to reconcile us; then ask reflective questions that point to the Gospel. Frequent exchanges like this help to deal with the offense while building a moral and redemptive framework.
This approach helps kids develop a conscience calibrated to the character of God and His word. And as parents, our own disciplines of confession, repentance, and accountability in relationships and will serve as powerful reinforcements.
By His Wounds, We’re Healed
This is a counter-cultural approach in a culture that tells kids to follow their hearts, worships self-actualization, and affirms at the expense of reality and truth.
At first glance, it might seem like talking about sin is too heavy of a message for kids. But a biblical theology of sin not only dignifies kids by sharing the truth of our reality, but it puts them on the pathway to hope — refuge in Christ. I can’t think of a better way to respect and love my kids than to walk them through this reality with truth and grace.
One of the teens I talked to put it best: "Understanding sin is what made the Gospel make sense to me." When we help our kids grapple with the reality of sin, we give them a framework for understanding the world around them, their own struggles and temptations, and the incredible gift of grace that God offers us through Christ.
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. 1 Peter 2:24
We shouldn’t be satisfied with giving our kids a half-baked theology that minimizes sin and paints holiness as a legalistic burden. Instead, a full picture of the devastation of sin and the magnitude of God’s grace helps our kids recognize their own spiritual poverty and run to Christ.
~Kara
If You’re Up For a Parenting Audit
Each child
in a different place
sometimes it’s a
struggle
How to:
Reach
Build a bridge
Bring back
Guide
Say no
Let go
A lot of teens in the house means a time to listen, ask questions, challenge, and walk alongside. A season that needs a combination of respect for them as their own person while being a faithful and loving authority in their lives.
I’ve recently begun asking for “a parenting audit” from my teens. I know, doesn’t it sound like so much fun to be my kid?! Haha. Truly, it’s amazing what you learn. I’ve already made a few changes. Here’s my cheat sheet if you want to give it a try:
What do you wish I could see or understand about your life? Have I equipped you well enough for the stuff you’re hearing in culture and dealing with around you? What stuff do you want to know more about but you’re uncomfortable to ask? What do you wish I would do more of? What do you wish I would stop doing? What are things you’ll do when/if you’re a parent? How else can I help you be prepared for adult life? If you could pick something to do with dad or me this year, what would you want to do? How do you see yourself?
(pro tip: The less defensive and the more curious you are, the better this works. Just listen. And learn.)
Discipleship Resources for Children and Teens
A few weeks ago, my sister Tara and I compiled the resources we’ve gathered over the years and began creating a guide for parents in our community. We reached out to parents and added their suggestions to compile this final list. People really enjoyed checking out the materials on resource tables we set up at church, and I thought it might help a parent or two if I shared the list here. It’s not a comprehensive list, but we wanted to target three main areas:
Doctrine: Books that teach who God is and the doctrines of grace
Biblical Literacy: Books that build children’s biblical literacy through Bible stories and help them interact and study the Word at their level.
Character and Life: Books that teach godly character and deal with practical issues and current culture
I’ve attached the list here for you to use, but my one request is to leave a comment if you have a suggestion to add. Thanks, friends.
Thanks for the booklist. I’m always on the lookout for more good books for my ages 1-6 crowd … though I mostly look for board books since other books don’t last long in a dayhome. I can give board book ideas to add if you wish.
Betsy Howard had a third book, Meg is not alone, that I’d also recommend.
Hi from Texas. I sent a message via Facebook Messenger, though if we're not friends it's hard to find it. I sent it a few weeks ago inquiring about the area and the church, Heritage Baptist. Thanks so much for this article, very helpful.