Everyone in our family has been plotted on our daughter’s (Evie) personality test board. She’s fascinated with human behavior, even getting teachers, visitors to our home, and people on her bus route to take the test! Consider yourself warned if you stop by. :)
I’m solidly in the INFP category on the Myers-Briggs Test. And while personality tests have limits, they give a window into personal features, and the INFP type is accurate to a tee for me. Composed and unassuming, but on the inside: an inner thought life and feelings so strong it can be overwhelming.
I’ve used this intensity to create some of my best work, to advocate, write, design new solutions, and push myself far past my comfort zones to do good.
But the shadow side is a reality too. Many of us live with circumstances outside of our control and outcomes we can’t affect. This has often brought me to a place of paralyzing discouragement as I’m forced into a position of a bystander and feel helpless.
When I couldn’t fix my child’s terminal illness.
When circumstances prevented me from helping my family in ways that were desperately needed.
When massive outcomes in my life depend on variables entirely outside of my control.
I wish I could say that I’ve learned to quickly open my hands and give it to the Lord. To wait on Him. To trust Him. But here we are, in another season and called to again toss our own plans off the ship and float precariously into the unknown. This too, Lord? And the same temptations to discouragement and fear need to be battled.
“Our danger is to submit ourselves to our feelings and to allow them to dictate to us, to govern and to master us and to control the whole of our lives.”
― D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cures
speaking truth to our fear
Maybe you’re like me. Instead of looking back on God’s track record of faithfulness, I can spend sleepless nights looking back at any wrong turns I might have made that got us here. Lord, turn us from agonizing self-condemnation to freeing reality: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Rom. 8:1)
Instead of looking forward to the new mercies the Lord has promised, I imagine all the ways everything is going to end in disaster. But even if the worst would happen, Christ will sustain us by his love and faithfulness: “As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me.” Ps. 40:11
Instead of resting in my security in Christ, I wrestle with my inability to secure my own outcome. We can look to the cross to remind ourselves of truth — Christ suffered so that we might have life and security in proportions we could never give ourselves. This is His plan in and through the bumps on the way: “So that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” Eph. 2:7
This is the fight of faith. Settling our minds and hearts on the truth of God and responding in obedience and faith as we give our fears and cares to Him, again and again.
May each of the little (but painful) deaths we feel to our own plans, security, and place in this world become like seeds—maturing and growing us in expectant faith and joyful life in Christ.
Make it so, Lord!
Kara Dedert
when life is beyond our control
Thanks, Kara - I can relate to this challenge. Having an analytic mind, I often seek to determine all potential outcomes and a way to mitigate risks. However, God reigns and has a way of humbling us to continue to rely upon His daily feeding.
Thank you for writing and taking the time, making the effort to understand and encourage others. Psalm 46 ministered to me today just as did this post.